In a Far, Far Away Land

 

Ok, I know that there are a lot of people waiting to hear about this trip I went on so here it goes.  First, let me tell you that a good car seat is worth its weight in gold and that diapers add some cushion to make the ride better (something to think about next time you are going for a long car ride!).  Second, thank God that I like to sleep in the car because I think I was strapped in for like 2 days and that was just the first part of the trip!  Anyway, I have to assume the purpose of this trip was for me to meet more of my family, does it ever stop?  More cousins, more aunts, and more uncles my God man, I canít even remember the names of the ones that I see all the time!  I just want to tell those people that their weather sucks!  At least in Chicago we get some warm days when it does not rain! Now, letís see if I can wrap this trip up in one sentence.  A strange bed, baths in a sink, a stove that cooks wood not food (why anyone would cook wood is absolutely beyond me), a house with its own lake, no neighbors, tons of fish, tons of mosquitoes and a damn partridge in a pear tree!  Yeah thatís right; it was like the 12 days of Christmas only with no gifts, no Santa and no snow!  Really, it was just like Christmas: going in it always seems like a fun time, but it always ends up being a real nightmare!  Well, it wasnít 12 days it was more like 4 it just seemed like 12 (how does that old saying go: I spent a week in Buffalo one day).  Of course I am joking; it would not have been very funny to say that I had a good time now would it! All right, it was fun but I am glad to be home and back on my regular schedule. As I have said in the past, I really donít like going without my normal naps!

 

Things to do when its summer and youíre a baby:

 

1.   Get a tan

2.   Learn to swim

3.   Get a 4 wheel drive stroller for those long treacherous hikes; ok 3 wheels are fine just so as it can handle the abuse I am going to put it through.

4.   Take a bath in a pool in the driveway.  Oh wait, there is no way I would ever do that it must have been somebody else.  Letís get this straight: it was not me, I would never do this, my parents would never do this and I hope I never have to see this happen again!

5.   Teach the old dogs new tricks (I may need parental assistance)

6.   Start saving for college. All right so I only have like 50 bucks, but you have to start somewhere! And of course, this could be done anytime throughout the year, but it just occurred to me now.

7.    Get a fly swatter.  Are the mosquitoes always this bad?

8.   Take a trip (see above)

9.   Pray for HBO to rerun all 3 seasons of the Sopranos during the day since I pretty much missed every episode so far because it is always on after my bedtime!

10. And last but certainly not least, just relax its going to be a very long life and we are going to need the energy!

What else has been going on you say?  Well, I will tell you!  They got me this cage that they put me in sometimes, I feel like a dog when I am in it! Yes, they give me toys to play with and the bottom is padded, but why do they feel the need to lock me up in this poky? What did I do?  Next thing you know they will be giving me only bread and water!  Someday, when I am bigger I am going to get back at them for all these atrocities.

Keep Rolliní rolliní rolliní

Thereís places I am goiní  

This baby must keep rolliní.. rawhide

On carpet, wood and tile, it might take a while

But I will get there in my own sweet time

Walkingís overrated, a fact thatís been debated

Debated since the start of my time  

 

All right!  I knew had some musical talent!

Well, that's all for now.

Until next time,

 

Cole