We’re off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz
We hear he is a Whiz of a Wiz if ever a Wiz there was
If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was the Wizard of Oz is one because
Because, because, because, because, because
Because of the wonderful things he does
We’re off the see the wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz

Well, sort of anyway.  There’s no Wizard, no Dorothy, no Lion, no Tin Man, no Wicked Witch and as far as I know no yellow brick road!  Doesn’t sound much like the Wizard of Oz does it?  You’re right, basically the only thing my story has in common with the Wizard of Oz is that it is a long trip and I have no idea what I am going to encounter along the way.  You see, next week I am going on my first vacation.  Yeah, I know, last year I shuffled off to Buffalo… big deal, not much of a vacation site (know what I mean?)!  This time the place that we are going sounds like the greatest vacation spot of all time… New Jersey!  My Mom says they have everything there, I haven’t heard my dad say anything good or bad about the place.  Well, it does not matter; I am going to find out for myself.  Now, something tells me this place can’t be all that great.  I mean what kind of a place can’t think of a name for itself so it takes a place in Great Britain and adds a ‘New’ in front of it?  Some great thinkers there!  On the other hand, they do call it the garden state, so I would expect to see nothing but plants and flowers everywhere I turn!  Well, like I said, we are going to find out one way or the other next week.  Are we there yet????

OMG (‘oh my God’ for you less literate people), I just realized New Jersey is where the Sopranos are from!  You think there is any chance that I might get to meet any of them?  Actually, there is one thing I would rather do than meet any of the family and that is to see the meat cutting saw at Satriale’s where they cut up Richie Aprile!  That was such a great show; who in their right mind would have ever guessed that Janice was going to be the one to whack Richie?  Or how about when they whacked Jackie, Jr.? Or when they whacked Pussy? Or when Tony whacked that Bevilaqua kid? Or when Richie Aprile tried to have Tony whacked?  Or when Junior (or was it Livia?) tried to have Tony whacked?  On second thought, with all the whacking that goes on around there, maybe I am better off just staying away from Satriale’s!!  I mean if I were smart, I would just stay in Illinois and avoid the whole thing all together!  I mean, when it comes to whacking, you never can tell who will be next!  Whack, whack, whack, whack, whack; yeah, sounds like the Garden State to me!  Actually, that does make sense; garden, cemetery, those two things are not that much different.  Whack! (I had one more in me and I had to get it out!)

So anyway, I get this stock tip from someone I know (I won’t mention any names, honest I won’t) about a company that has a patented technology for being able to produce French Fries in a vending machine!  Now, I have to tell you, this sounds like the greatest thing in the world to me, you all know just how much I love FF’s (wink, wink, that’s right Mom and Dad, you are not kidding anyone with your secret code talk).  So you ask, “So what did you do?”  So I answer, “Well, that is a stupid question, almost as stupid as the answer!  Of course, I went out and bought the stock.”  And now you should ask, “How is the stock doing?”  And of course, I would answer, “Well, the stock is in the crapper, lost over 50% of its value since I bought it, don’t you know!”  Now you should ask, “Why don’t you sell and cut your losses?”  Of course I would answer, “Because I am not even 2 years old, what the hell do I know about the stock market?!? This was an emotional buy for me, I heard French Fries in a vending machine and I said, ‘I’m there.’”   And then you ask, “Why don’t you know that you don’t buy stocks on emotion!”  And of course I answer, “Because I am not even 2 years old, what the hell do I know about the stock market?!?  Jeez, what don’t you understand?”  At this point, I think it is safe to say that I am in this stock for the long haul.  I mean, right now, I don’t even care if the stock makes me any money or not.  My biggest question is, “Just exactly when am I going to be able to buy some damn French Fries from a machine?”

I could wile away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain
And my head I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain

Well, that’s all for this time, wish me happy motoring!

Until next time,

Cole

August 20, 2002

P.S. It is never too early to start thinking about that Halloween costume for me this year. Let me know if you have any thoughts.